chapter 16. 231 w. bakersfield ave

I’m waking up. Last night Tanner and I trailed the man in the brown hat back to his house. He actually didn’t live too far from me. Just over a mile away, on 231 W. Bakersfield Ave. After we got there Tanner said he wanted to go talk shit to the guy. He said he felt like hurting someone. I told him it wasn’t a good idea. I wrote his address down on a notepad, and then Tanner said he wanted to go to “Bad Ass Truck Accessories.” While he was shopping and getting custom accessories added to his truck I went to an Olive Garden that was next to the store. I drank wine and Budweiser Light in a frosty mug while he got all the things added to his truck that he said were necessary. I think there was a baseball game on one of the tvs, and the news was on the other tv. The news had been playing a clip on mute about a wildfire in California. The close captioning wasn’t on, so I didn't really know what was going on, but the fire looked really bad.

After Tanner was done we drove back to my house. I asked him if he wanted to drink more beer, and he said that he did. We went inside. Tanner had asked me to turn on ESPN, and we had watched another baseball game. I think the Blue Jays were playing the Orioles. I think I had told him it was weird that two teams with birds were playing each other and he had laughed. When the game was over I told him I was tired but he was welcome to spend the night on my couch. Before I had gone to bed I poured whiskey on the rocks for us to drink and Tanner had started to cry. I don’t know what happened. I didn’t know what to do. “I don’t know, man,” he had said, “I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I knew what I wanted. But I don’t know. I mean I love my job. My girlfriend loves me, and she’s really hot. I even bought a brand new truck and it’s awesome. I love it. I don’t know. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just wanted to hurt someone today. I wanted to punch someone. I wanted to know they were in pain. I woke up and I felt nervous and I jogged over 10 miles and I still felt nervous. I think I’m going to start boxing. I don’t know. I’m sorry I came over here. I know you probably had stuff to do. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Sometimes it all just feels pointless. I mean I believe in Christ and everything. I even go to church. I believe in Heaven and God and everything, but sometimes I just get bored, and angry, and sometimes I just feel nervous and break shit for no reason. I don’t know why. I guess I should pray about it. I don’t know.” He had just kept crying. I turned the channel to another baseball game. I told him it was fine, and that everybody feels like that sometimes. I told him sometimes I felt like that too. “Thanks,” he had told me. Then we both went to bed. Tanner slept on my couch, and I slept on my bed.

I check my phone. There is a text from Tanner. It says “fuck man. Must have drank a lot last night. Don’t really remember much but my new truck is sweet lol.” I text him back “yeah we must have drank a lot lol.” After that I feed my cats and decide to make some coffee. I check outside, but the man in the brown hat is not there. I know where he lives now. After I turn on the tv, I get a text from the red-haired girl. It says “Do you want to hang out today? I’m bored.” I text her back “sorry something came up today, but you should come over tomorrow.” I plan on finishing the coffee and then having a few beer. After that I’m going to go check out the man in the brown hat’s house. I need to figure out who he is and why he has been spying on me. I figure I’ll take a cooler of beer and just sit outside of his house for a little while.